Latest News - Fertility Coach Charlotte Green

It’s something you have come to dread during this roller coaster ride you never chose to get on. The big smile is the first clue, quickly followed by “we’ve got news” as yet another friend, colleague, neighbour, family member… fill in the blank… makes their pregnancy announcement.

The feeling in the pit of your stomach…

Then things get a bit hazy, a smile might lock into place, the not unfamiliar knot in your stomach makes an appearance and your mind starts to race with a whole mash of emotions.

Happy for you, heartbroken for me…

How can it be that someone else’s happiness can make you feel so, so sad? Well let me tell you as one who knows…you are not alone here. This is one of the most talked about topics amongst my clients, and one of the things they often ask for support with. Even during the quiet spells of an infertility journey, where things can seem like they’re on a fairly even keel, pregnancy announcements when trying to conceive, can completely pull the rug.

On top of coping with the pregnancy announcement itself during infertility, difficult thoughts can surface too “I’m a failure”… “It must be my fault”… “I shouldn’t feel jealous”, “I’m a bad person for not being happy for my friend”. These thoughts are very real but they aren’t true. You are simply a human being doing your very best to handle a hugely difficult situation. Your thoughts and feelings aren’t you, they are simply a natural response, that reflects just how hard this journey is.

How to cope with pregnancy announcements during infertility…

Allow yourself to feel how you do

Difficult thoughts and feelings don’t make you a bad person. See if you can make a bit of space to allow yourself to feel the feelings. In my experience sadness, jealousy, frustration and anger are not uncommon at this time. When we get caught up in judging our feelings as bad and good it can make things harder. Seeing them as a storm blowing through can allow a little distance and helps us to remember that these feelings will pass.

Meet yourself where you are

Pregnancy news during infertility can be draining and there may be times when you need to create some self-protection. Putting some distance between yourself and pregnant friends or declining the baby shower invitation might be absolutely the right thing for your own wellbeing. True friendships will sustain in the longer term, and things will move on for both of you in time. And when the time is right, good friendships will naturally strengthen again in the future.

Plan your support strategies

If you’re going to an event where pregnancy is likely to be a hot topic, don’t feel obliged to get stuck in baby talk. Think ahead of time about some alternative things you’d like to talk about and don’t be afraid to take the conversation in a different direction. In case things start to feel too challenging have a plan for leaving early if you need to. Also maybe mention to a trusted friend whose going to be there, that this is quite difficult for you, and ask for their support.

Practice Mindfulness

We know that mindfulness can be very supportive for anxiety, depression and emotional overwhelm. If you are new to mindfulness one easy way to begin to introduce it is to find a task you do each day, that has a distinct beginning and end and practice doing it mindfully. One example might be brushing your teeth. See if, for those few minutes you can focus just on that and nothing else. Use your senses… taste, touch, sight, smell and sound to bring real awareness to what it is you are doing. This can be very calming and grounding and can help to slow racing thoughts.

Take care with Social Media

Social media can be like the wild west at the best of times, and never more so than when you’re going through infertility, and it feels like everyone else is pregnant. Taking steps to mute notifications, unfollow things that are unhelpful and having social media free time are all ways to put some boundaries in. Social media can also be a supportive place too and for some it offers a sense of connection. So its good to check in with yourself about how social media is for you and how it leaves you feeling after you’ve been online. This can help guide you to find a balance that works for you.

Treat yourself with self-compassion

Self-compassion can be a real superpower during infertility and in times of challenge like pregnancy announcements it can create feelings of soothing and safety to the nervous system, which can be very valuable. One simple way to be more self-compassionate is when thinking about the challenge you are dealing with ask “what would I say to a good friend who was struggling in the same way?”. Be curious and see what arises.

Find Supportive Connection

Friends who get it, an online group or a coach like me are all places where you can find support. The sense of isolation when handling pregnancy news can be very real, so don’t try to get though it alone.

Sign up for charlotte’s free newsletter full of hints & tips here

Contact charlotte here to find out more about fertility coaching

Charlotte Green is a certified Wellbeing Coach and a specialist fertility coach, with over 12 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

Handling infertility during pregnancy announements

May 7, 2023 + IVF

Failed IVF What Next?

by Charlotte Green

After failed IVF, it’s normal to have lots of mixed emotions and feel confused about what’s next.

Remember you are not alone and you don’t have to navigate failed IVF on your own.

Here I share some thoughts on how to begin processing IVF failure.

So after failed IVF, what next? When IVF fails it can feel devastating and it can be really important to recognise that. Emotions can be so turbulent in the days following a negative IVF result. From anger, frustration or feeling numb to sadness, grief and a huge sense of loss, for what might have been. IVF failure can be a massive thing to process.

Failed IVF – Remember You Are Not Alone & YOU Haven’t Failed

If you’ve got a negative result after IVF take a minute to remember the IVF has failed. But you have not, and it doesn’t mean that you didn’t do everything you could. It’s very normal and very human to blame ourselves when things don’t work out. But there is no blame here, just lots of complexity and many things we still can’t control and don’t fully understand when it comes to fertility & conception.

It’s also worth taking a moment to remember you’re not alone. Around 1 in 6 worldwide face infertility, many of those go on to experience IVF failure. The emotional toll this process takes can be enormous. In fact, research shows that psychological distress is one of the most significant reasons people choose to discontinue fertility treatment. And this figure gets bigger with each failed IVF.

What Next After Failed IVF?

So what’s next for you after IVF failure? It can be really common for people to feel a massive urge to push on with more treatment when IVF has failed. This is something I often see in my work. Some clients describe how emotionally hard it feels to pause and take a break. Others describe a feeling of wanting to get it all over with. Clients often reach out to me for coaching support at this stage. We often begin by exploring options and what feels right for them after IVF has failed, because often there is no clear right or wrong answer.

Returning to the Fertility Clinic after IVF Failure

After a failed round of IVF, there is an opportunity to return back to your fertility clinic for a review. If you’re considering further treatment a review can be an important opportunity to reflect on the previous treatment with your doctor.

This is a chance to discuss why the IVF failed, whether they recommend another cycle, what other options they might consider next time & what they would perhaps do differently. This is also an opportunity to explore what they would recommend by way of further tests and treatments. It’s good to make a list of questions before you go and take time to have those fully addressed. Don’t be rushed through, this is your time and it’s really important to be heard.

You may also take this time to consider moving to a different clinic.

The Superpower of Self Compassion After IVF Has Failed

In my work as a Fertility Coach, I can’t emphasis enough the importance of self-compassion if you’ve experienced IVF failure. You have been through an exhausting and often pretty brutal process, and whether or not you are considering more treatment or not, it’s likely you’ll be in need of some healing and nurturing.

Self-Compassion after IVF Failure

So what is self-compassion? Put simply, self-compassion involves treating ourself as we would a friend, being kinder and more caring to ourselves and taking time to remember we are intrinsically deserving of care and concern just like everybody else.

Other elements of self-compassion include being more mindful and validating our feelings. This isn’t a deep immersion but simply acknowledging how hard this is, and if we are able to, creating some space for our feelings.

The final part of self-compassion is understanding our situation in the context of a bigger picture, where we are not alone in our suffering, but part of a much bigger human experience. Taking time to consider that there are many, many people like us, going through something very similar to us, and struggling in a very similar way to us, can be a powerful way to bring connection and support.

The Science Behind Self-Compassion After IVF Failure

Anyone who’s worked with me will be no stranger to self-compassion, and there’s good reason for that. To the uninitiated it might sound self-indulgent or weak. However according to Dr Emma Seppala, Science Director of Stanford University’s Centre for Compassion and Altruism Research & Education, scientific data shows that self-criticism can be really unhelpful for us, whereas when we are more understanding and gentler with ourselves we become stronger and more resilient over time.

Dr Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion, also observes that people who are more self-compassionate experience less depression, anxiety, stress & shame, and more happiness, self-confidence and physical health. And as one who knows, these findings certainly ring true for my own lived experience.

Paul Gilbert, creator of compassion-focused therapy, helps us understand the science behind why self-compassion can be so helpful. He explains that when we become caught up in self-criticism we’re tapping into our body’s threat-defence system, our fight, flight freeze response. This can increase our feelings of stress. In contrast, when we activate our care system we release oxytocin and endorphins which reduce stress and increase feelings of safety and security.

How to Gently Introduce Some Self-Compassion after IVF Has Failed

So here are some small, gentle ways to begin introducing more self-compassion into your own life:

Self-kindness

Spend a few moments considering how can I best take care of myself? What would I say to a dear friend in my situation?

Comfort For Your Body

Take time to rest, perhaps do some self-massage of your neck, arms or hands or take a walk in nature

Support

Find connection by talking to someone you trust, be that a friend, family member or professional who can support you.

Self-Compassion Mantra

Find an easy to remember self-compassion phrase that you feel you can connect with and bring it to mind when you need to.

So if you have experienced failed IVF, take the time and get the support you need to navigate your way through.

I am a Certified Wellbeing Coach, with specialist training in Fertility Coaching for Emotional Wellbeing. I’m also a certified Meditation & Mindfulness Teacher. I’ve supported individuals and couples on their journeys through infertility for over 12 years. I offer 1-2-1 coaching support across the world via zoom. Fertility Coaching with me creates a safe space to work through feelings, reduce stress & anxiety and build techniques to increase feelings of calm, resilience and agency as you move forward. Find out more about coaching with me here.

Get in touch if you would like to explore having coaching support with Charlotte

January 24, 2023 + Fertility Wellbeing

Vulnerability

by Charlotte Green

V U L N E R A B I L I T Y… Working as a fertility coach, I support people at one of their most vulnerable times in life… ever…

My clients are often highly successful out in the world. They also often spend a lot of time and energy helping others, holding space for others, supporting others… be that a home, at work, or within their wider social network.

So when they reach out for support from me, this is often unchartered water in a big way, and they may carry feelings of failure and even perhaps shame at not having been able to fix their situation or keep soldiering on alone.

But far from being a sign of weakness, the vulnerability felt at these times is, in fact, one of our most accurate measures of courage. And from this place of vulnerability, there is huge potential to grow and rewrite the rules on what it means to be strong 💪🏻🌟💪🏻

In February I’m offering a free live online workshop exploring ways to feel calmer and less stressed, even in the middle of infertility struggles. If this is of interest contact me for more details.

Contact me

March 4, 2022 + What Fertility Coaching Offers

Disconnection

by Charlotte Green

D I S C O N N E C T I O N… from friends, from family, from work colleagues… this can be a big one and often shows up when going through infertility. The feeling of disconnection often has its roots in situations where personal fertility struggles are poorly acknowledged, misunderstood, discounted or even ignored. Unsurprisingly this creates a sense of being increasingly unseen. This in turn can then feed an ongoing cycle of disillusionment which only serves to add fuel to the feeling of disconnection… and so we may find ourselves retreating even further. And so the cycle continues.

When clients get in touch with me, this cycle is often well established and there can be a sense of real despair at the seemingly impossible task of turning things around. Clients often intuitively sense that safe, gentle reconnection can offer a pathway to some healing, but they are often at a loss as to where to begin. That’s where I come in.

Often we start by breaking things down…

Can you describe how you would like things to look in a month or twos time? Let’s get down to specifics who, where, when..

How can we make some easy wins? Are there some trusted people who feel like a really safe place to start? How would you do that? What would that look like for you? These small steps can rebuild a little confidence and spur you on.

Are there some gatekeepers, trusted individuals within your circle who do get it and can help you to educate others and so extend out your circle of reconnection further?

Are some boundaries needed? Perhaps an acknowledgement that there may be times in the rollercoaster monthly cycle when reconnection is harder, or perhaps some people who you may actually be better off without?

Would it be ok to show a little vulnerability to allow trusted others to gain more insight into the suffering you are facing?

Are you able to voice some of your needs within your relationships with others, in a way that feels OK for you?

As your coach I’m here every step of the way, to support you as the process unfolds, and share in the richness that can come from safely reconnecting with others in a way that feels absolutely right for you.

February 24, 2022 + About Me

Fertility Coaching for Emotional Support

by Charlotte Green

So it’s been a while, and I notice a few new faces following me so felt it was time to reintroduce myself, and share more about fertility coaching for emotional support.

About Me

I’m Charlotte, a certified Wellbeing Coach with specialist training in emotional wellbeing during infertility. I am also a accredited meditation and mindfulness teacher and was previously a specialist fertility acupuncturist.

Connecting via Zoom with clients from all over the world, I specialise in supporting the emotional wellbeing of those who are on a fertility journey.

I’ve been studying, working with clients and honing my craft for over 12 years. I bring a rich blend of all my learning to my work.

About Fertility Coaching for Emotional Support

Fertility Coaching with me creates a safe space to work through feelings, reduce stress & anxiety and build techniques to increase feelings of calm, resilience and agency as you move forward. Find out more about coaching with me here.

Every session of fertility coaching for emotional support, is different and unique to you. I work creatively to hold a safe space for sharing, connection and personal exploration and growth.

We each of us hold the inner wisdom and self knowledge to navigate lifes big challenges in a way that it is absolutely right for us. But we can so easily loose sight of this when feeling under pressure and this disconnect can leave us feeling vulnerable, isolated and emotionally lost.

In our sessions together I nurture a calm space for reconnection. We explore what matters to you, what it is that you need, and how you can start to reshape things in a way that better serves and supports you.

This process is powerful and brings fresh insights and awareness, renewed clarity and an increased sense of calmness and confidence when navigating the way ahead.

Charlotte Green is a certified Wellbeing Coach and a specialist fertility coach, with over 12 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

Get in Touch with Charlotte to Explore if fertility Coaching is right for you

March 6, 2021 + Fertility Wellbeing

Getting Started with Fertility Coaching

by Charlotte Green

Firstly a huge, heartfelt thank you to all my lovely clients who choose to work with me during what can be a very tender and challenging time of life. I am inspired by your courage and commitment to our work together, and am so motivated to bring the very best of me and what I have to offer, to our time together.

Over the coming weeks I have a flurry of new people starting to work with me. If you are one of those, I am as eager as you are to get started, and see what this empowering process will bring. If you have been following me for a while or are wondering about starting to work with me, please feel free to get in touch to schedule in a 20 minute tune-in.

In this free and friendly call we can explore what you feel you need, what I have to offer and if my approach feels right for you. This is also a chance to get to know me a little, and gain a real sense of what it’s like to work with me.

Sounds interesting? Please feel free to get in touch. I do currently have a waiting list, but I am able to book new clients into my diary from the beginning of May onwards.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach in the UK, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

March 4, 2021 + What Fertility Coaching Offers

Can Fertility Coaching Improve Your Health?

by Charlotte Green

As a fertility coach with a focus on emotional health & wellbeing, I think about this statement everyday, and it is a guiding principle in the work I do. If you feel you would benefit from working through the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that surround your fertility journey, in a safe and supportive space, please do get in touch.

March 2, 2021 + What Fertility Coaching Offers

Have you told your Story?

by Charlotte Green

This post carries on a theme I began yesterday and is inspired by the stories of my fertility clients…. Some stories we may never want to share, and that feels right. But others can feel like an unbearable burden to carry on our own.

Sharing our story with a trusted other can bring huge unburdening and the opportunity to look at our life afresh and with new perspective.

When we look at our story through another’s eyes we are often able to see ourselves in a kinder light. Struggles through adversity so familiar to us that we now take for granted, can look like the heroic acts of endurance that they actually are, when seen through an observer’s eyes.

The thought of sharing our story can feel daunting, even self-indulgent but it can actually be a gift not only to ourselves but others too. The process can give us clarity and courage and allow us to see ourselves within the world. Sharing with others can also give them hope, comfort and the inspiration to keep going.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach in the UK, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

February 28, 2021 + What Fertility Coaching Offers

Fertility Coaching – Start by telling your Story

by Charlotte Green

During their first session of fertility coaching, my clients have the opportunity to tell their story. It sounds very simple, but it can have huge therapeutic benefits. To feel truly heard, in a supportive and safe environment is healing in itself. For me personally hearing these courageous accounts has felt a real privilege over the years.

Sharing our painful and difficult stories, can bring up those emotions we hold close.. grief, sadness, anger, shame… But in a supportive and compassionate space making these often hidden experiences more visible, can help clients validate what they’ve been through and deepen their emotional insight and understanding. This can often be the first step to finding renewed strength, deep healing and the resilience to move forward.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach in the UK, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

February 19, 2021 + Uncategorized

Introducing the other Member of my Team

by Charlotte Green

So for a little Friday fun, here is my dog Silas, saying hello.

Silas is a Zen dog. He doesn’t overthink about the past or worry about what may lay ahead in the future. Instead he takes joy in each moment, as it arrives, just as it is. Maybe we could all be more like Silas…. if only.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She works with clients who are trying to conceive naturally, and also those going through assisted treatments such as IVF. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

February 17, 2021 + Fertility Wellbeing

With Our Minds we Make Our World

by Charlotte Green

Many women and couples I see in my work as a fertility coach, are going through fertility struggles and want to change their mindset and gain some emotional control over feelings of overwhelm.

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind. With our thoughts we make the world. – Buddha
Buddha

I find these words from the Buddha deeply profound and empowering. Over many years I have learnt that in a world where we have very little control over anything, it is possible to acknowledge, allow and learn to work with challenging and negative thoughts, using mindfulness and meditation practice and supportive coaching.

And whilst our circumstances may not change for the moment, once we can stop resisting the negative and difficult thoughts and are able to accept them a little, for what they are… just passing thoughts… they often quietly subside.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.

February 15, 2021 + Fertility Wellbeing

You Are Not Alone

by Charlotte Green

“You are not alone”…. This is one of my close friends favourite phrases.

As human beings we have a basic need to connect with others. But perhaps when we need this connection most, during times of distress and suffering, we can become locked in our own heads, thoughts circling and spiralling towards our worst fears. With this comes loss of perspective and loneliness, and it can feel hard to find a way out.

Albert Einstein described our sense of being separate as a delusion and a prison. And even during these days of lockdown, evidence of our interconnectedness is everywhere.

One mindfulness exercise I like which reminds me of connection involves watching the kettle boil when making a cup of tea. It doesn’t take more than a minute or two to boil a kettle but during that time I think about all the people involved in the steps to get my cup of tea to me, the tea growers and pickers, the tea bag makers, the water suppliers, the people that made the raw materials for my kettle, the electricity workers, the potters who made my cup …the list is huge, and that’s just for one very small routine in my day. And all the people in this huge web of connectedness have their own stuff going on too, their worries, fears and hopes just like us.

Recognising this reality can be transforming. When we lift our heads from our own difficulties, if only for a few minutes, and see the interconnectedness all around us, something very special happens… we begin to see ourselves as part of something much bigger and we can feel a little lighter, a little more able to cope and that’s soothing for the soul.

Charlotte Green is a qualified fertility coach, with over 10 years of experience, in supporting clients on their journey to parenthood. She brings a wealth of experience, empathy and compassion to her transformative sessions which she provides via zoom. You can find out more about the support she offers here.